AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And the blessings just keep on coming!

WE HAVE A COURT DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first thought is AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, my second thought is AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH and my final thought is God doesn't work on timelines, yet we have one zooming down the road. We have to raise A LOT of money between now and October!

Please pray that (God willing) we pass court A and then have the money for court B and then 6 wks later have more money to fly again to pick him up!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Praise the Lord!

God is good

I made a HUGE step towards obedience and almost instantly afterwards, I got a call from my mother in law. She was working at the senior citizen building and she was sharing, with another lady, our story of adoption and the lady, out of the blue donated some money towards our adoption. My mother in law was shocked and excited. I was humbled.

Thank you, Lord for your provisions and your promises.

And then there was G....

G, 9....wow....she is...well....difficult. We adopted her and her brother (Catfish) when she had just turned 6. When we met her, she was full of energy, love, laughter, joy......she was fun to be around and she was eager to please. Fast forward a week (literally) and she was then full of rage, anger, self mutilation, violence, lying, deceit, pain.......it was almost unbearable the first year. Yet, we pressed on.

Before I get to all the other issues of the world...let me tell you that she loves to sing, she looks great with short hair (much to her dismay), she knows what she likes and doesn't like. Singing is her favorite thing to do. She also likes swimming, being the center of attention, reading and talking (in general).

She was in therapy, for a while, but she is queen of "telling people what they want to hear" regardless of truth. She would rage for hours, on end. We tried medication, didn't work; we tried therapy, didn't work; we tried love and recreating her broken first few years, didn't work. We were made to be the odd ones because in public, she was an angel. We were viewed by many people to be the villians and they just couldn't understand why we had so much trouble with her.

Reactive Attachment Disorder is a disorder where it makes a child one of 2 ways. They can be resistant to affection (stiff when hugging, no eye contact, will not let you near them) or they can be OVERLY touchy/feely. That was the case for G. She would go and sit in anyone's lap, tell them she loves them (strangers), touching inappropriately, acting inappropriately, etc. It is a hard disorder to live with because there is nothing that can be done, medically. There isn't a magic pill that can change the behaviours, there isn't any amount of love or devotion that can be given that would make a difference. It is horrible.

The manipulative lying.....wow, that is a big one.....a really really big one. Here are more signs to look for (the ones in red are the ones that we have dealt with over the last 3 yrs):

The Ambivalent Children –

• Are angry, defiant & can be violent.
• Will push affection away to keep control
• Are destructive both with their own belonging and others
• Are extremely difficult children to parent because they sabotage or destroy almost everything positive that happens to them.
• When they want something, they act very affectionate.
• Have few friends if any, although they will say they do, listing several acquaintances – keep friends only for a short time
• Lack the ability to give and receive love
• Lack empathy for others – often cruel to animals and other children.

The Anxious Children –

• Tend to be overly clingy, showing extreme separation anxiety when separated from their mothers.
• Incessantly chatters to control conversation
• Appear to be eager to please and are superficially compliant.
• Are often passive aggressive, constantly doing little things wrong, but never doing anything really bad, but frazzling the parents patience and control.
• Usually recover faster than those in the other categories

The Avoidance Children –

• Are often overlooked as they are very compliant, agreeable & superficially engaging,
• Lack depth to their emotions & functions – robotic like, not genuine or real in emotional engagement.
• Don’t enjoy being around others because they don't feel safe.
• Are Omnipotent – believing that they can care for all their own needs by themselves, and do not need others, especially their mothers.
• Are sullen and openly oppositional, but mostly in a passive aggressive way.

The Disorganized Children –

• Have highly disorganized behaviour and a bizarre showing a variety of symptoms.
• Hide anger deep inside, they are easier to deal with, harder to treat.
• May have atypical psychosis, bipolar disorder, and other neurological disorders.
• Often will have mental illness in the family history.
• Are excessively excitable (other RAD children are usually moody.)
• Are most difficult to treat in therapy because they have so many different problems and often require medication and out-of-home care.

Other Signs & Symptoms

Signs of Reactive Attachment Disorder in infants may include: weak crying response, rage, constant whining, sensitivity to touch and cuddling, poor suckling response and eye contact, and no reciprocal smile response.

Reactive Attachment Disorder Children may also have these symptoms: lack of conscience development, lack of eye contact except when lying, will not give or receive affection (hugs & kisses), no impulse control, abnormal eating patterns (gorging, hoarding, etc.), constantly making noise of some kind, pacing, and unusual speech patterns (mumbling, robotic, talking softly).

Here are some dos and don'ts (just as some friendly advice...when you come across a hagard mom of a RAD kid)

1. Don't compare their difficulties to yours with a healthily attached child who gives some trouble. It is like comparing an acorn to an oak tree. The parents will feel like their problems are being belittled, and they will feel even more alone.

2. Don't give advice on how to discipline unless they ask for it. Often with these children nothing, I mean nothing, works.

3. Don't judge their parenting.

4. Don't side with the child in trying to get what he wants, or to defend him against the parents.

5. Don't help the child to get around rules set by the parents.

6. Don't say, "He is such a pleasant boy. He seems to be so stable. I don't understand why you are having trouble with him. He's not that bad."

Now some dos.

1. Listen with sympathy. You may not be able to understand completely, but admitting that is encouraging. It shows that you recognize the problem.

2. Support the parents in any efforts they are making.

3. Babysit the problem child, or take him on an outing, to give the parents a break.

4. Show love and acceptance to the child.

5. Pray for and with the parents.

6. Support the parents in any treatment decision they might make. It is very hard to give you child over to a treatment facility, but then to be criticized for doing so really hurts.

Peachy Girl

Peach, 12, she isn't a wannabe flower child, she IS flower child LOL. She marches to the beat of a different drum and I love it. She was the sweetest, fattest little baby, ever! She was so happy and full of giggles and fun. Her imagination is fantastic. She would come to "school" everyday in an evening gown and a tiara. She plays in her room, for hours. She loves all animals, but especially horses. She is the animal whisperer. She can calm the most frightening dog. She loves to read and her favorite thing to do is color. She *loves loves* to color!

She was recently saved and she strives to walk the walk and talk the talk....it is a work in progress. She struggles, but the Holy Spirit wins more times than not. She is trying to find her niche' at church and right now, she has been spreading her wings by singing at church. She has also been helping with our special needs class. She loves to help.

She is *very* blunt. When she was little, I remember her gently caressing my MIL's face and saying "Mimi, you are so beautiful....I love you so much....your breath smells bad." She never misses a beat and she isn't malicious when she makes these bold statements. She is so precious and her vivacious attitude and her walk with the Lord will get her very far, in this world in whatever she chooses to do.

Excited to see how God is working

We received our "bill" statement from our agency. It was humbling to see the total and in big letters PAID IN FULL! God has worked miracles to provide, so far...we still have about $6-8K more to raise *travel and the extra expenses that goes with that*

Praise you, Jehovah Jirah for being our Provider, thus far and for the duration of journey.

Bug

Sitting here watching all of my kids doing their "things"...they are so different. It'd be a boring place if they were all alike.

Bug, 14, flower child wannabe :) She is super super smart. She corrects me on any/everything that when I'm wrong, but she does it with a side of grace. She is one that uses her imagination in her artwork, poetry, writing and she thrives on learning new things. She will not stop till it is mastered. She tends to get flustered when something doesn't work out the way she pictured it. She is a crocheting, knitting, cross stitching, painting fiend.

Her walk with the Lord is amazing, she is a very centered young lady who only sees black and white (sin and good). There is no gray with her, at all. Example: we went to the movies and before we went, I brought a big purse and put some snacks and drinks in it (instead of buying it). Once the movie started and I began handing stuff out, she asked me where I bought it. I told her at Walmart and she said that we can't bring food into the theatre that wasn't bought there, so we shouldn't eat it because it was wrong. Well, that just let the wind out of my sails. I had never thought of it. I thought more along the lines of it was extortion how much they charge for things. That's my girl...bringing new thoughts, bringing scripture and what is good and right to a world (a person) who has been desensitized to so many things over the years.

She handles, even the worst of situations with grace, dignity and forgiveness. My knee jerk reaction is grudges and looking for revenge. She has tempered that in me, praise be. She is showing me that it can be handled right, because God is our avenger and He loves us (and the one who sins against us/hurts us). Humbling. I simply adore her. Every odd, off beat thing she does or says. When she talks, she talks 90 to nothing. I usually only catch every third word or so. She reads like nobody's business and she loves.....unconditionally, even when I screw up.

Control Freaks Anonymous

Okay, okay.....I'm a recovering yeller. I've gone through the classes, I have my certificate, my t-shirt and I still contact my sponsor LOL.

I've been standing at the doorstep of a new class, Control Freak Anonymous. I like things the way I like them and I want them when I want them. Period. The. End. Who knew that it was a Pass/Fail class.

When you pray for God to reveal your vices, you don't expect Him to hold your hand and walk you through adoption...not once...but twice. You'd think I would've passed my class when I was "in the process" of adopting my 2 little ones. It took 3 yrs. 3 long long long years of court, paper mess ups, threats, therapy, etc etc etc. Apparently, I failed that class. No certificate, no shirt, no sponsor.

So, fast forward another year (after that adoption is final) and here we are again, walking down the road of international adoption. My dreams being fulfilled, one child at a time. Again, I'm in the control freak class and for the first 4 months....I was failing miserably. Bit by bit, situation by situation, paper by paper.......I'm trying to learn from my mistakes, I'm trying to let go of my issues, I'm trying to allow God to do what He does best. Not control me, but lead me, guide me, love me, direct me.

The past month, I've experienced one of my worst nightmares, I've come to realize that I can be alone and it is okay, the house won't fall apart, I've lost trust in a trusted person, I'm financially strapped, but still trying to raise money to bring my little guy home, my dishwasher exploded, insurance companies won't do what they are *supposed* to do, my floors ruined, my dishwasher broke, my washing machine broke and I've felt so displaced in my life.

I've realized, now looking back, that:

My worst nightmare: was horrible, but forgiveness has to take place and I know that God will use this according to His glory and His purpose.

I can be alone and the house not fall apart: My dh is a very capable dh and father, praise be to God. I have great kids, too :)

Lost trust in someone I trust: That's been hard, it has hurt, but again, forgiveness *has* to take place.

Finances: Be good stewards of what God has given us and He will bless us beyond reason.

My sweet boy: He will come home in God's time, not mine.

Dishwasher: fixed, floor still undone, estimate done, waiting...just waiting.

Feeling displaced: It is me being refined.....boy does it hurt, sometimes.

Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you; He will never allow the [consistently] righteous to be moved (made to slip, fall, or fail). Psalm 55:22 (AMP)