Again, nothing

Sadness, on a really gorgeous day.  Another day with no word from immigration on our newest paperwork submission.  I've been praying, daily, that it will happen, today and still nothing.

Discouraged...well, that's one word.  There are several other words that I have but none need to be aired out on the internet.

It is hard to see, day after day, posts/emails/etc about successful adoptions that have little to no issues.  We have worked so hard, we've learned so much and yet our son is still not home.  I'm not sure what the Lord is doing, but I pray that He is working this all out for His glory.  I *am* happy, somewhere inside for these families.  I just wish this story was our story.  I've distanced myself from people to guard my heart and my sanity.  I truly hope they understand.

I feel like I hear, one day, "we're adopting".  Two days go by "we have a referral".  Two more days go by, "We were approved by immigration."  Two more days go by, "We are traveling next week." and before you know it, the child has been home a month and the same family is doing this all over again because it was "so wonderful" the first time around.

Our story is:

We're adopting.
days weeks months
We have a referral.
days weeks months
We are traveling for court.  Adoption is finalized.
Next day immigration 'we need more stuff from you'
days weeks months
We are intending to deny you.  You should've never traveled in the first place.
days weeks months
Denial.
days weeks months
Attorney hired, job for me, life change for kids, new home study
days weeks months
homestudy done..waiting on attorney.
days weeks months
waiting on attorney
days weeks months
attorney sends paperwork (we pay lots more money)
1 week
immigration wants MORE evidence
days weeks months
got evidence, sent off again
over a year later.....WE ARE STILL WAITING.

I'm tired.  I have little fight left in me.  I had one "friend" tell me that due to us having "so" much trouble, that must mean that God doesn't want him to be in our family.  I wanted to smack the taste out of her mouth.  I need no negativity.  I need prayers, regardless of the outcome.  I eat, sleep, breathe, work with my son's face in my head.  Praying, daily that God will show us all the way and for a person to say that, well, they needed to be smacked.

What God has brought us too....He will be FAITHFUL to bring us through.

I cling to that.

Until then....we wait.

A Little Bit Insane

Okay, so I know that this sounds like I'm NUTSO.....really...I am, I'm okay with that.  I always say that my "sense" started leaving me as I was walking down the aisle to Big Daddy.....later, in life, I pushed it out with 3 births, 3 adoptions and 2 lost children and 1 miscarriage later by our birthmom....it is gone, really really gone.

Anyway, when we adopted our son, on Oct. 13, 2010, it was a JOYOUS day.  We'd spent all week in Ethiopia, a beautiful beautiful country.  It was made even beautiful-er because my son was in my arms. Precious precious child.  On Oct. 17, 2010, we got our first of many disappointments.  We were being denied by US immigration for lack of money to support our son.  Our hearts were broken.  We had just come off a tremendous high and thrown into the deepest pit imaginable.  Surrounded by darkness and sadness.  Alone....so we thought.

Our world turned upside down.  After being a stay at home mom for 17 yrs and homeschooling my brood, I got a job to help our family.  We had to put our children in public school and work around 2 working parents and a handful of responsibilities and activities for our children. There would be no vacations, no mini vacations, limited holidays, rare home cooked meals and homework on the fly.  It was a huge huge change.

In April 2011, we met our new homestudy agent (Forever Family Adoptions Jessica Johnson) and we were informed that we met the income requirements and it was time to refile with immigration.  Our hearts soared.  All our hard work had paid off.  It has been a LONG time since April and we are still in the hands of immigration. We are waiting.  Our son is waiting....

During that meeting with our agent, my sweet husband mentioned (with Jessica present) that he would like to use her services again when we adopt again.  I just put my fork down, looked at him and asked him if he was on crack.  I informed him that this process had easily shaved 10 yrs off my life and it still wasn't done.  He simply stated that he felt this was God's leading and that we weren't done yet.  I'm sure my eyes were as big as a silver dollar.  I told him that he'd better be praying to God that his heart is changed cause this mama's heart was DONE DONE DONE.  He had lost his pea-pickin' mind.  We had a daughter, fixing to start driving; one daughter in the midst of puberty; our RADish daughter; our over active boy; our boy with special needs and then our new son whom we weren't sure of what needs he would have AND HE WANTS TO DO THIS AGAIN?  Lost.His.Mind.  There was *alot* of silence on that hour drive home.  I mean A LOT.

While I'm at work, I am approached by a beautiful young woman.  Precious child who was expecting a precious child.  She was unsure of her future and in time (lots of prayer and talking), had asked us to adopt her baby. Before I thought about it I told her YES.  Then I stepped back and thought "oh my goodness, what have  I just done."  Fear approached me.  I would be bringing home my sweet son and shortly after that, welcome a NEWBORN.  What in the heck am I thinking?  I realized that as God was working in Big Daddy's heart, he was also working in mine.  Sadly, we lost that baby at 14 weeks.  I was devastated but more worried about the sweet girl carrying him.  We are forever connected and she is forever loved by our family.

My heart is now saying..."we aren't done yet."  But my mind is screaming insanity.  We don't have room, I don't have enough stamina, we don't make enough money to add another, no birthmom would choose a family of 8 to add their precious bundle too, no country would accept us because of having 6 kids..then I think God is SO much bigger than all these issues.  Maybe I'm not called to adopt again, maybe God is preparing me to help others to adopt. Wouldn't that be amazing!  He is bigger than money, He is bigger than stamina, He is bigger than immigration...HE IS BIGGER.  If He sees fit to add another child or children, He will make it possible.  I'm not in shock, anymore.  I'm in awe and excited to see how He is going to finish out this year and strength our family for the next big thing.  I love my kids.  I miss my son.  I'm excited, for the first time in over a year.

I was in that pit...I'm not out of it yet, but God never left me there, alone.  He was with me.  He is with me. He is with my son.  He is my Sustainer, my Refuge, my Strength and He has been holding my hand and molding my heart the whole time I've been in that pit.

Praise be to Him....to be continued....eventually.

Life

It hurts, sometimes.

I struggle.....with so much.  I hate to look at the plank hanging out of my eye because it is a very big plank.  I mean...BIG.

There are things, at work, that are really a struggle.  There are things at home that are really a struggle.  Things at church, things within my family, things within my circle o peeps.....struggle, struggle, struggle.

I really wish that we could return to Eden, before the fall.  I know that the New Jerusalem will be filled with no night, no pain, no tears, no struggles...until then, I must stand firm.  Remembering that at the very mention of His Name, Jesus...satan will tremble with fear and run.

"Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of men."  Matthew 16:23

Clothing Error #574

Cute bohemian, floor length knit skirt with elastic waist.

PLUS

Walkie that you must wear when at work...clipped to said elastic waist of cute skirt.

EQUALS

Cute bohemian skirt hitting the floor while walking through the store.

LESSON LEARNED

Where cute skirt, but wear tight, brief undies to clip walkie too when walking throughout the store.

Problem solved.

Guess What!

Just guess at WHO wore her cutie patootie pants WITHOUT fake spanks and WON the battle of the snap.

If you guessed ME....You'd be RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woot Woot for me!

Today's Verse

I know that once today is over, then my verse for the day (sidebar) will change.  I was trying to decide what i wanted to say today, but the fact that I am severely whipped after such a long day.....I thought I'd bypass today and post tomorrow.  Then, I glanced over and this is the verse that was staring at me.  It is a verse that is burned in my head every time I see a picture of my son, or when I think of him (which is pretty much every second of every day.)

"I thank my God every time I remember you."  

Phil. 1:3

Soon...my sweet son....soon.

One Year Ago

This precious morsel of love was adopted into our family.  He is still there...we are still here....apart by an ocean.  Our love doesn't stop, our fighting hasn't stopped and we are praying that God, will soon, bring our family together.  My heart aches for him, yet I'm so thankful for the sweet time that I had with him.

Lord...hear my prayer...

Blessings.

After a HARD weekend....

Today, I officially, start my new position...maybe...at least I will be announced as the newest supervisor, at work (that was the news I couldn't share till today, for those inquiring minds).  I *know* I'm on the supervisor schedule for next week, not sure what I'll do this week.  


It is going to be different, more hours, more responsibility and that will make it hard on me, with the kids....praying God continues to move and that life can begin a new normal, very very soon.


--------------------------

Who knows this little gem of a person?

Anyone?

She is the character of "Nancy Olsen" on Little House on the Prairie.

I talked to my sister, the other day...we were solving the worlds problems and then she got tickled.  She said that when they got home from vacation, that sat down and turned on the tv and Little House was on.  It was the episode where Nels and Harriet adopt Nancy.  She said, as she was watching it, that she began getting very tickled at the antics of Nancy.  How she is such an angel for some people and such a terror to others.  

She started laughing, out loud, saying that after a few moments she realized WHO Nancy reminded her off...and it is Gigi LOLOL.  I laughed because when she said that she was watching that episode, my first reaction was that Nancy had RAD and Little House had pegged it, without even knowing.  

We were both belly laughing at the irony of putting a character to such a horrible diagnosis of anyone and not even realizing what they are doing.  We probably shouldn't have laughed, it isn't a funny thing to have or to deal with, but if you can't life and find an ounce of joy in your trials, then you won't be refined, as God promises in the book of James.

He loves Gigi....warts and all.

---------------------------

Last Sunday morning, I sat by my friend, Nina.  We have sat next to each other in Sunday School for the last year.  The past few months, with her family issues and my family issues, we have connected.  She is a source of peace for me and we are so different that it makes things fun.

I don't speak of our adoption, much, in church because I feel like a broken record.  I'm always requesting prayer for the same thing...for a year.  I know that they are still praying, but I just keep things to myself.

Last Sunday, I didn't.  I remembered that I had some post it notes in my bag and I pulled one out.  I put down 4 things:

1)  to be approved

2)  for the dad's death certificate to be in before the Oct. 14th deadline

3) for the paperwork to be turned in by Oct. 14th deadline

4)  I get hired for the supervisors position

I slipped my post it to Nina and she said that she would put it on her mirror and pray over each thing on the list.  I am humbled because she was willing.

WELL....

On Monday (after the Post It)....I got a call stating that the death certificate was HERE after we had been told that it would take at least 3 days to a week to have it translated and sent.  Then, at work, on that same Monday, I got offered the supervisors position AND all the paperwork is being sent today or tomorrow.

WOW!

So, yesterday, before even telling Nina how her dedicated prayers affected our lives, she said "hey, I like the post its...got anymore, I want to write on one and I need a new one for you!"  I told her of my exciting news...she about jumped out of her chair....we squealed at the graciousness of God.  I whipped out my post it's and now I have one for her and she has an updated one for me.

My challenge for you...find a friend...someone you trust...get some post its...see how God can answer YOUR prayers this week.

6 Ingredient Pizza Casserole

1 lb. ground beef
Package of pepperoni
1 large jar spaghetti sauce
Mozzarella cheese
Parmesan Cheese
Egg Noodles

Grease 13 x 9 baking dish and preheat oven to 350.

Cook egg noodles till soft, drain and set aside.

Cook ground beef (salt, pepper, onion powder, italian seasoning); drain.

In dish, layer spaghetti sauce, noodles, ground beef, pepperoni, mozz, parm, sauce, noodles, beef, pepperoni, mozz, parm.

Cover with aluminum foil and bake for 30 min.  Uncover and bake for 15 min.

It was YUMMY!

Cute pair of pants VS the fat roll

Okay, so I have a 20% discount at work (YAY ME) and that coupled with a 30% off coupon and clearance items equals a huge YAY YAY YAY.

So, on my lunch break, I decide to shop.  I randomly walk around the store thinking "where are all those cute things that I sell that is $1.97?"  Eventually, throughout my time, I find a cute cute pair of pants.  They are khaki pants that can either be rolled down or used as capris.  Cute.  I buy the size I normally wear (gasp) and don't try them on.....I loathe trying on clothes and I refuse to buy a size bigger.

I get home, all excited and try them on....they fit, but I can't breathe or sit.  It has a snap closer, so when I do try to breathe, my snap pops :(

In the quest for cuteness, I decide this morning, that I will wear those pants.  I anxiously rip the tags off and contemplate how I'm going to function for the next 8 hrs in these too tight pants.  I chose a shirt that covers my gut and so if the snap blows, then I can discreetly snap them back (if you count sucking it up and turning blue to get them to snap).

I'm so excited, though, because I remembered I had fake spanks, deep down in my drawer.  Here lies the answer.  I lay on the bed and shimmy them up, thinking I'm gonna die and there will be no way I will be able to go to the bathroom.  I pull them all the way up and then I proceed to put on my new pants.  They fit, comfortably!  Yippee!  I think I look quite stylin' as I load up the kids and head to work.

Throughout the day, I bend, lift and move...a lot...fake spanks aren't quite built for that and at one point, I notice the back of my spanks (I walked past a mirrored column at work) and there was a HUGE fat roll on the back because the back of my spanks was rolling south.  I thought I was still safe because the front was still up....then....I squatted.  Big Big mistake.  In one instant, my fake spanks rolled under my fat roll and there was no easy way to "lift" them back up without going to the bathroom (which I couldn't do because I was training a new kid and he can't be left alone) or hide in the stock room.

I thought I'd be okay, even though it was incredibly uncomfortable for me, until I realized that my pants were starting to give way.  I quickly got someone to cover me and rushed to the bathroom.  It took an Act.Of.Congress to get out of the spanks and then to roll them back up over my fat roll.  I got everything back up and headed back out to the floor.  I felt pretty good cause the back roll was gone and the front was way up over my fat roll.

Did you know once you "stretch" out elastic, it is never the same?  I didn't.....I quickly learned that fact because within 10 minutes, my fake spanks was headin' south and then there was a POP and out came the fat roll.  I was very thankful to be clocking out and heading home.  I can handle anything for 40 minutes.

I rush in, grab my sweet Big Daddy and tell him I need him upstairs.  It sparks an interest in him and he rushes upstairs.  By the time I got there, I was standing in the bedroom with my fake spanks sucking the life out of me and sticking to my person.  I beg him to help me get out of this contraption.  I felt like Miss Scarlett, in Gone With the Wind, when Mammie is tightening her corset (although I'd make 4 of Miss Scarlett).  He got so tickled because it was *so* hard to peel off my body.  By the time it was over, I rushed to the bathroom.  Big Daddy asked why I was in such a hurry and I tried to explain to him that I hadn't had the privilege of using the bathroom because of my need to wear the cute pants.

I guess it is time to do the Fat Smash diet again or to simply eat better.  I don't want to be skinny, I just want to be able to breathe in cute, incredibly cheap, pants............

Tomorrow, I'm wearing elastic.

WE HAVE IT WE HAVE IT WE HAVE IT

The GREATEST Woudneh in the WHOLE world sent a worker bee (whomever you are, thank you) to the region where my son lived and has his dad's death certificate!

It is now being translated into English and then will be scanned to our agency.  Once the agency has it, they will send it to the attorney...once the attorney has it, it is off to immigration (again).

Once immigration has it they WILL approve us.

Once they approve us, they send the approval to the Embassy in Ethiopia.

Once they send it there, we get an Embassy appointment.

Once we get the appointment WE FLY TO ETHIOPIA TO BRING OUR SON HOME!

Only God could have orchestrated this.  He allowed us to meet and adopt our son in Oct. 2010.  We should've had him home by Dec 2010, but God had other plans.  He had to clean out a very cluttered room of my heart.  It has taken a year, but I can say that the room that he cleaned is clutter free and now I'm going to hold my son again.  He did this, He delayed us, He did so so I would re-learn to love my daughter.  I fell in love with her, by accident.  Fixing her hair (it is another post, so scroll down).

I am in AWE.....

I'm seriously going to sniff his afro right off his head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's all okay

Death certificate for son's father (in Ethiopia) STILL NOT HERE after 4 weeks.  

It HAS to be in immigrations hands by Oct. 14th.

My house smells of pee because the dog had an accident in the chair.

The laundry got left in the washing machine by Peach and it smells of mildew and stank.

Gigi's fingertip definitely looks broke.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

God is still on the throne.

All we have to do is ask and pray that our desires are in His will.

I got *really* good news yesterday, but can't share till next week.

My kids are healthy.

My husband is wonderful.

I thought I had to go into work at 2 and I don't have to be there till 3:30 YIPPEE.

Gigi is doing Bug's chores....not sure if she realizes it yet, but hey, the kitchen is getting cleaned.

Peach is redoing the laundry with gusto and fervor because I told her no more horse sales until she can show some responsibility.

Date night with Big Daddy.  We ate at August Moon (yuck) and we went to see Courageous (amazing).

My mom watched the kids yesterday and will watch them tomorrow, so I can work.

It's all okay.

Hug your kids and husband, tell them how much you love them.

Forgive those who have hurt you.  It isn't for their benefit, but for yours.  Unforgiveness is a poison that can allow satan to have a foothold in your life.  God can't clean out your rooms with that on your heart.  Allow Him to heal the hurts, release the pain and let it go so He can do miraculous things in your life.

Blessings.

Guns, Bulls, Cops, Amish, OH MY

Note to self:


What happens between Peach and Papa at the horse sale STAYS with Peach and Papa.


Me to Peach:  "Are you behaving"


Peach:  "Yes"


Me to Peach:  "Is Papa behaving"


Peach:  "No."


Me:  "What is he doing"


Peach:  "Well, he got out his gun and was waving it around and shooting because of the stubborn bull.  Then, we got pulled over."


Me:  "Let me talk to Papa"


There ends the story because you would *NEVER* believe what he was trying to do.  It involves the gun, other people with guns and a stubborn bull..............hearing her giggle, hearing him giggle, makes all the trauma in my mind, okay.

Sneaky Kid and Sneakier Papa

I *would* post a picture of Papa (my daddy), but due to the fact that Martha *might* read this and daddy *may* see this....I'd rather not because he gets a bit....testy when his picture is broadcast all over the internet, so I'll post a pic of Peach and call that one a day.  Here is a description and you can conjure up in your mind what Papa looks like.  His voice is thick, like Sam Elliott....he also sports the long, handlebar mustache that Sam Elliott occasionally sports.  His hair is getting white with still a touch of black sprinkled in and he is normally wearing a hat (whether it be a cowboy hat, a baseball hat or a hat like Crocodile Dundee would wear).  He wears cowboy boots or moccasin type shoes, a pocketed t-shirt tucked in and always sporting his belt, belt buckle and knife.  When he goes to horse sales, he wears a nice button up western type shirt with a vest.  He always smells good and he sashays like John Wayne.  I simply adore him.

Thursday nights are the night that Bug goes to spend the night with my neighbor.  She works with him and his FMD class on Fridays.  She loves it.  I told Peach that she would be spending a FEW hours with Jojo and Papa and her excitement level was off the charts.  I thought she was just excited to not be home or that she didn't have to do schoolwork because Jojo thinks that is wrong to do work at her house or the fact that she was chore free for a FEW HOURS.  I couldn't understand.

She was up and at em on Friday morning...ready to fly out the door at 8 am.  I am half awake, driving the 40 miles to work. My mom meets me at work, which is wonderful because I can snuggle, even for a moment.  I love my mama....simple as that.  They are off, I'm off to clock in.

Here comes 1:00, I'm off and head to jojo's to pick up Peach.  I step out of the truck and Martha is in her shop, working on wreaths.  Peach is in there with her, fixing  her own wreath and Papa is in his shop speaking with a client.  I look up and Martha states that Peach is staying overnight and going to the horse sale with Papa.  I just stand there and say "okay"....this is odd....A) Papa doesn't take anyone to sales B) he has already done with once with Peach and I thought that would be the end C) Jojo is always busy

I go to hug Papa and tell him that I'm guessing that Peach is staying and to take care of her at the sale.  I then go into the house to use the bathroom and I notice Peach's backpack that she carries everywhere.  I noticed how "thick" it was.  I was proud thinking she had packed books or homework to do while at Jojo's.  I look in the bag and notice her toothbrush sticking out, sleep clothes and clothes to wear for the next day.  That little turd had planned to ask, without my knowledge, and was prepared just in case they said yes.  Papa can't hardly say no to her.  Her passion for horses matches his passion.  He is tickled, she is thrilled.  They are certainly two peas in a pod.

The answer to Papa's questions, last night when he called:

1)  No, she can't drive, she is only 13.
2)  I am still her boss
3)  She is not 17.
4)  Yes, you must feed her
5)  You must not give her the "rules of life"
6)  I know, Daddy, you are still my boss, therefore you are her boss, therefore have fun.

Love that man.  Love my mama.  Love my Peach.