Friday, September 24, 2010

DVDs for Sale

$5.00 each (unless otherwise noted)
5/$20 or 10/$40
16 Blocks
50 First Dates
A Beautiful Mind
A Few Good Men
A Knight's Tale
Air Force One
Aliens in the Attic
Angel Eyes
Anger Management
Annie (The original)
Avatar: The Complete Book 1
Avatar: The Complete Book 2
Avatar: The Complete Book 3
Barbie Rapunzel
Barbie Swan Lake
Barbie: Rapunzel
Barbie: Swan Lake
Blood Diamond
Bruce Almighty
Catch Me If You Can
Coach Carter
Daddy Day Camp
Daddy Day Care
Die Hard; Die Hard 2: Die Harder; Die Hard with a Vengeance $10
Dr. Dolittle
Enter: Naruto
ESPN's Playmakers: The Series (3 discs) $10
Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Finding Forrester
Finding Nemo
Five People You Meet In Heaven
Flight of the Phoenix
Friday Night Lights (4 Seasons): $12 season 1-3; season 4 $15 or $40
Friday Night Lights: The Movie
Great Balls of Fire
Gridiron Gang
Grumpier Old Men
Hannah Montana: Life's What You Make It
Hannah Montana: One in a Million
Happy Gilmore
High Crimes
Howl's Moving Castle
Independence Day
Jersey Girl
Keeping the Faith
Live Free or Die Hard
Longest Yard 2005
Looney Tunes The Movie: Back in Action
Lucky You
Man on Fire
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Mr. 3000
Mr. Baseball
Mr. Deeds
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
Mrs. Murphy's Playhouse: Little Red Riding Hood
My Cousin Vinny
My Neighbor Totoro
Out of Time
Reggie's Prayer
Resurrecting the Champ
Rob Roy
Rush Hour 3 (we have 2 of these)
Saving Private Ryan
She's Having A Baby
Shrek the Third
Six Days, Seven Nights
Sleeping with the Enemy
Smallville (seasons:  1-5): $10 each
Spirited Away
Stand and Deliver/Lean on Me
The Bone Collector
The Bucket List
The Chamber
The Cider House Rules
The Firm
The Green Mile
The Guardian
The Last Samurai
The Legend of Bagger Vance
The Program
The Shawshank Redemption
The Sum of all Fears
The Wedding Date
The Wedding Singer
Thirteen Days
Three's Company Season 1
Vegas Vacation
Walk the Line
Walking Tall
War of the Worlds
Wild Hogs
World Trade Center

Beautiful Hands

My son's hands.

Thursday, September 23, 2010


My sis sent me 4 new pics of my son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  He is so cute and so HUGE!  LOL.  Sis said that he had my eyes and my dh's physique...she said that he looked like a linebacker.  When she asked the nannies about him, they began to laugh and commented on his big his belly was LOL...I love it!  She said that he was sweet and had a quiet demeanor and that he was pretty darn adorable!

On another exciting sis is safely home with her newest bundle of 4 yr. old joy!  They are tired, he is a bit puny, but everyone is happy, safe and ready to sleep :)

Monday, September 20, 2010

God is so cool

Just a small side my verse for the day!  Wow, God is so so cool!

Since, I forgot that my verse changes....people, who read this, don't know what I'm in awe over, so I had to go and look up said verse so everyone can be in awe over my God!

Jesus said to her, “Did I not say to you that if you believe, you will see the glory of God?”

John 11:40

God is SO good

I have criteria before I make any major decisions.....I mean, it is all in my control, right? 

Sis called and stated that I need to go on this first trip.  That was not in my schedule o plans.  B was going to go on the first trip, for court and I was going to go on the second trip, to pick up my little man.  If I *didn't* go, we'd have to readopt him after 6 mths in the states.  Not a problem.  We know a lawyer who does this as his ministry and all we'd have to pay is court costs.  If I *did* go, then as soon as the judge said yes, little man would automatically be a US citizen and we wouldn't have to brainer.  I'd stay home with the kids the first round and he'd stay home the second round. 
So, I'd made arrangements, paid fees, talked to mom about having a wreath booth in the Hunter's Moon Festival in Grand Rivers on the 9th (the day B was supposed to leave for Africa).  Also, there was the childcare issue and the whole money issue.  It just seemed to fit and then sis calls and blah blah blah blah blah wants me to go on the first trip.  "Make the call, reserve your tickets, step out on faith."  Easier said than done.  I know, that is horrible, but I'm trying here!

I let last week go by without calling the travel agent.  I just couldn't do it.  I put it off.  We had enough for him to go on this first trip, alone and hopefully we had raised enough for me to go on the second trip.  On Saturday, we had the city wide yard sale...I went with my MIL.  We ginned around town and then we stopped to eat at our favorite little sandwich stop.  We got to talking about the trip and what sis had said and what our dilemmas were.  She stopped me dead in my tracks and said "I'll take care of the big deal."  Wow.  That is huge of her to offer. I also had 2 friends willing to take the day shift and my mom willing to do a couple of days.  God fixed that.  

Guilt overcame me because I had committed to this booth, sent in the registration and paid the fee.  I tried to find someone to man the booth and no one was able.  My mom was willing to help set up, but not I'm in a pickle.  That Sunday evening, my mom called and she said for me not to worry because she and my aunt were going to do the booth on that day!  Wow!  That is huge, too!  We can still fundraise and my aunt is willing to help.  My mom and her sister together.....Grand Rivers will *never* be the same!  God fixed that.

Well, this morning, during my study...God laid on my heart to let go of my laziness/idleness and start doing what I'm supposed to do.  Stop putting things off.  So, I decided to call all 5 kids upstairs...we worked for HOURS on my bathroom/bedroom/closet.  I looked so nice.  About 11 am, I thought...I'm gonna do it.  I'm gonna call and order the tickets.  I had sent Boo out to check the mail and there was nothing, he came in, resumed work and I came down to make the call.  I did it, I made it...I ordered tickets for both of us.  My heart was wrenched, I couldn't breathe, but I was trusting that we could fundraise for my trip in Nov/Dec.  Got that phone call taken care of and went back upstairs to work. about 10 min. later, Boo came upstairs with the mail in hand.  I sifted through it and on top was a letter from ShowHope.  I knew they'd be sending it, but didn't expect it till the end of the week.  I was hesitant to open it because we had been turned down by every other grant place.  I knew that they would send a letter regardless of whether or not we were chosen for a grant or not.  So, I stood...opened it....and we were awarded A HUGE GRANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  We are is there, waiting, ready.....GOD FIXED IT!

I'm so humbled and thankful for His many provisions!  Praising His Name and jumping up and down! we come!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Excited yet sad

My sister got her travel date!  I'm so excited for her and her family and that Little I will be back to his forever home within a couple of weeks!  He will forever be cared for, loved, hugged and he will have a future that he might not otherwise have, had the Lord not seen fit to meld these lives together.

On a sad note, Little I and my son are the best of buddies and I'm sad for my baby....watching his friend leave.  Time to a child, stands still and I can't imagine how sad my sweet boy will be.  We have the possibility of meeting him in a month and then bringing him home in another month or so.  That seems FOREVER away, for us and we are adults.  For our son, a day is like a year and that hurts my heart.  I wish I could fold up into my sis' suitcase and go with her, or that we could give her permission to bring our baby home.  We haven't even passed court, yet, so we aren't able to give him anything to get to know us by.
Luckily, my sis will be able to get lots of pictures and videos. She will hug him and kiss him for me.  She will see what size he is so we can properly provide him with clothes and shoes.  I will have to live vicariously through her.  B will be traveling the second week of October and he will be able to meet him, spend time with him and love him!  By then, we will be able to have a photo album put together for him to get to know our faces.  Then, in another few weeks, I will travel to get him.  We could have our whole brood home, by Christmas!  I'm excited, nervous, scared, thrilled......I'm really really ready to have him home....I mean REALLY REALLY REALLY ready to have him home!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I stand amazed

I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene,
And wonder how He could love me,
A sinner, condemned, unclean.

I am such a wretched soul.  I love my God out of one side of my mouth and I sin out of the other side.  How does He love me when I'm so unworthy of His love.  What did I ever do to deserve this kind of unconditional love.  Grace.  Grace is a beautiful thing.  When I'm completely unlovable, He is still there with open arms, ready and waiting to hug me and to tell me to come to Him with my burdens.  My yoke is heavy and His yoke is light and He is waiting for me to yield and to hand over, completely my troubles.  How awesome is that!

O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
And my song shall ever be:
O how marvelous! O how wonderful!
Is my Savior’s love for me!

 For me it was in the garden
He prayed: “Not My will, but Thine.”
He had no tears for His own griefs,
But sweat drops of blood for mine.

In pity angels beheld Him,
And came from the world of light
To comfort Him in the sorrows
He bore for my soul that night.

He took my sins and my sorrows,
He made them His very own;
He bore the burden to Calvary,
And suffered and died alone.

Not my will but His.....what a hugely powerful statement.  How many times do we pray, "Lord, heal this affliction"; "Lord make it stop".....there are so many times when I catch myself praying for those things and I realize that I'm praying for it to done in MY way, not His.  Selfish.  I pray for God to release G from her horrible memories, for her behaviour to change.  In reality, maybe it is me that needs my memories erased of her behaviour and for my heart to change towards her.  It is time to stop sinning in our prayer (a friend pointed out that this is, indeed sin) and humbly ask that His will be done and for me and my family to understand His will and to lead us down the path of righteousness.  He died, willingly.....for me.  He bore my horrible horrible sins, for me.

When I think to the fact that I'm a missionary to my  I'm so unworthy.  I can be SO mean, horrible and cruel.  RAD has been such a painful thing to live with.....but I make it worse by my reaction.  As my former pastor would say "I can't control the action, but I can control my reaction."

When with the ransomed in glory
His face I at last shall see,
’Twill be my joy through the ages
To sing of His love for me.

I was blessed, last night.....blessed in a way that I hadn't thought would ever happen.  I thought God had forgotten about me and my troubles, yet here they were...a group of women, willing to listen, ask questions, love and not judge me.  I'm a very closed off person.  I don't like sharing about my life or my troubles.  I feel very judged, by any/everyone when I do talk about things.  Like I have to constantly explain myself and my actions.  These women sincerely asked questions, they sincerely listened and there was NO judgment or condemnation.  The encircled me, laid hands on me and prayed over me and my family.  They are praying for me today.  How can I be so horrible and yet God show me such favor in this group of women.  I am blessed.  I have a wonderful accountability friend, who show's me Christ's love, daily and then I have a church....I've been going for 5 weeks and they have embraced my entire family...issues and all. I've never experienced that, at any church, ever.

Thank You, God for sending Your Son to die for me.  Thank You for loving me when I am SO  unlovable.  You are an Awesome God, who deserve to be praised in the good times and the bad.  I won't tell You how big my storm is, I'll tell the storm how big my God is!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Well, I'll be dipped

the most interesting (to me) part of my research is the brain scans of neglected children. it's honestly very hard to remember that our RADicals really can't think right. they're so smart, they should be able to think! but when they're scared, have to make a decision, think they might get in trouble, etc, their brains do not function as they should. they revert back to their hypothalamus (or something, the base part of their brain that toddlers use, hey, it's 3am) instead of the frontal cortex where complex (and common sense) thinking takes place. in that moment (and oh there are so many of those moments) they literally can not think. they're not stupid! they're both very intelligent, their brains just don't work all the time.

Signs of RAD (reactive attachment disorder)

**This is from another blog, that I will list to the right under "blogs I follow"'s been a rough day.   I will highlight the traits that we deal with.

here are the symptoms and how we finally figured out what was going on with the kids. the last one sealed the deal for us! many of these have improved greatly now!
i added our experiences in italics and wow, it's pretty sad to see it listed like this!
superficially engaging & charming - they can charm the pants off anyone!
• lack of eye contact on parents terms - they only looked us in the eye if they were lying
• indiscriminately affectionate with strangers - they don't know a stranger, love on anyone
• not affectionate on parents’ terms - not cuddly, don't like to sit in our laps or hug
• destructive to self, others and material things (accident prone) - always breaking toys, falling
• cruelty to animals - oh the poor dog and cat, and may the one kitten rest in peace :(
• lying about the obvious (crazy lying) - not the usual get out of trouble kind, just stupid stuff
• stealing
• no impulse controls (frequently acts hyperactive) - oh my,
• learning lags - way ahead in some areas, way behind in others
• lack of cause and effect thinking (no logic) - so frustrating, they really, really have no logic
• lack of conscience - very sad. they don't realize they're inconsiderate at all.
• abnormal eating patterns -
• poor peer relationships - they prefer adults and are immature for their age
• preoccupation with fire -
• preoccupation with blood &  gore -
• persistent nonsense questions & chatter - oh my word, it's honestly horrible
• inappropriately demanding & clingy -
• abnormal speech patterns - speech issues
• triangulation of adults (pitting mom against dad or therapists/teachers against parents) - tried
• false allegations of abuse - haven't seen this fortunately
• presumptive entitlement issues - yep, serve me now, i will not ask, things should just appear before me
• parents appear hostile and angry - people think we are nuts!

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Please pray

For my sanity.  RAD is SO hard to deal with.  I'm so tired of having the same conversation over and over and over and over.  You know, when your toddler starts talking and their favorite word is "why".  Why do I have to eat my peas?  Why is the wind blowing?  Why can't I have my paci?  Why Why Why Why.....what got me through those moments was knowing that it would end, eventually :)  Their vocabulary and reasoning skills would be better and they could understand more.

With NEVER STOPS.  Never.ever.ever.  I desperately needs prayers, of anyone who reads this blog.  I don't like talking about it because I can only imagine how I am perceived.  There are moments, when I just don't care what people think of me.  Today is one of those days.  
When asked how G response is "the same".  It is never better, but it can get worse.  It does get worse.  I've been accused of so much..."you look at her like you hate her", "why did you adopt her", "when are you going to give her back", "what about a group home", "your nuts, she is an angel", "why don't you discipline her more", "have you tried therapy?"

All those above statements (and more) are why I don't like discussing it.  You never know what goes on behind closed doors or the routes that have been taken.  If you've never had experience with a raddish, then really, you don't need to say anything.  A hug, a prayer, a word of encouragement...that is what is needed.  Nothing more, nothing less.
As for isn't a great day :(  Holding onto the fact that God is good ALL the time and ALL the time, God is good!  He is carrying me through this moment and I'm going to try and glorify Him and resist my fleshly urges.